You Could Be President?

By Deon Cole & Darryl Littleton

MYB RULE # 795 – Know Your Lane (s)

The 2012 presidential election is over and Barack Obama supporters are jubilant.    Yay!  Yay!  We won!  We won!  Hey, if Barack can be president so can I.  Slow your roll.   Let’s not get too carried away.  You might not be cut from the same cloth as Barack Obama.  As a matter of fact you might be cut from a rag.

Part of managing your blackness involves knowing the black you’re managing.    You’ve been you all your life so you should know you better than anybody.  You should know what you can and cannot do and do you honestly think YOU could be president?  Really?

Being president is more than meets the eye.   See, it’s not one of those jobs where you call in sick.  Reporters will tell us you’re lying.  You can’t hide out in the break room.   Some Republican will leak it to reporters who will tell us you’re slacking.    You can’t send anybody else in to do your job.  Everybody knows what you look like.  In all cases it’s got to be you.  You’re the one who has to show up . . .  and that’s where a lot of you would have a problem.   Yes, showing up is part of the job.

So before you start kissing babies of legal age ask yourself a few basic questions.    Do you get along well with others?   Presidents have to act like they do.  Keeping it real is not part of the job description.    Are your tats where everybody can see them?   It’s frowned upon if your president looks like Lil Wayne.    Do you drink malt liquor?   Just joking.    Do you like to travel?  Some black people never want to leave the house.   Do you like to eat exotic foods or do you say “yeowwwww” when something that looks nasty is on the plate?  The whole “yeowwwwww” thing is not a good look for a president.    Can you handle people talking shit about you?   Some of us can only take so much and then we snap.  Are you one of those kinds of people?  You know if you are.  Last question – how do you deal with people all up in your business?  Yeah, thought so.   You’re not ready to be president.  The minute somebody said something about your woman you’d be roaming the streets with a baseball bat looking for them.

The job of president is rough.  So let’s get that goal out of your head.   You don’t have what it takes, but let’s not give up.   You could be a Senator.    It’s a good deal without folks all up in your face.   How many of you even know what your Senator looks like?  See what we mean?    Senator is more of a job for you.  People can tell you’re balling, but they’re not sure how.  You’ll have drivers, bodyguards and plenty of people down to hook you up.   As a Senator you have the freedom to bullshit.   So forget about raising your kids to be doctors, lawyers or president.   Senator.   It’s the perfect job for managing to get your blackness on.