Tagg, You’re Not It
By Deon Cole & Darryl Littleton
This time out we find we must manage our blackness when it comes to Tagg as in Romney. Yes, the aerial dog transporting clan has done it again in the moniker department. They never seem to be at a loss for goofy titles. How’d they come up with Tagg? Was that a buzz word from one of the madcap, wacky intercourse games Mitt and his lady Ann played throughout the North Wing of their off-shore mansion? We’re sure “Tagg” is his middle and/or nickname, just as “Mitt” is for his pappy. Anyway, Tagg is out of line and we’ve simply got to address it.
Recently this offspring of Plastic man said that during the second Presidential Debate he wanted to leap onto the stage and “take a swing” at President Obama. Notice he said nothing about connecting. He made it clear he wanted to swing. This leads us to believe two things about Tagg. #1 – he can’t fight. Nobody we remember in life ever used such a “Dennis-the-Menace” phrase to describe impending fisticuffs. # 2 – Tagg is unhinged and he belong nowhere near government and its goings on.
You may not grasp how we’re handling our blackness yet, but we’ll get to that. In the meanwhile, back to Tagg, whose stupidity is already in progress. Let’s examine Tagg’s first dilemma; his lack of pugilistic prowess. His own brother, Josh (a semi-normal Euromerican name) said he’s been hit by Tagg plenty of times and the president had nothing to worry about. Ha-ha Heehee, Josh. We’re not worried that Barack alone couldn’t take your brother down had he acted upon his sheltered world impulse. He’s probably a good polo player or a well-respected member of the rowing team, but he looks like he has no heart for a serious knuckling up. Tagg strikes us as the kind of guy who would rush in yelling and try to tussle. So harm coming to Barack Obama is not our concern.
We’re upset about the fact the media would’ve finally seen our president snap. The beating he’d have administered would’ve been horrendous and replayed on YouTube more than a bus driver delivering a telegraphed upper-cut. Next to catching him puffing on a Newport, there’d have been no greater scoop.
The problem with Obama snapping would’ve carried long range consequences. First off he’d have probably been shaking and mumbling to himself as he stood over Tagg’s limp, prone body. Secret Service (who would’ve intervened late knowing Barack’s been training for a chance to show his toughness on some right-wing punk) would’ve had to hold him back and they’d have needed to call in Biden to talk him down. Michelle and the girls would’ve been used to remind him of who he is. It would’ve been a PR nightmare and every poot butt country that wanted to rattle our Commander in Chief would have their example of how to do it thanks to Tagg.
Our next observation is Tagg’s lack of tact. You can think whatever you want. Black people do it all the time. However, to utter to an interviewer on radio that you, a future losing candidate’s son wanted to “take a swing” at a man who holds the job your daddy wants shows an ignorance beyond what we’re accustomed to hearing. Perhaps Tagg needs to manage his whiteness as well as his anger. Now to his credit he admits he wanted to do it, but the reality of the Secret Service being all around curtailed his actions or at least gave him a moment of pause. So Tagg can think. He knew he didn’t want to be shot or at very minimum take that ass whooping Barack would’ve issued him.
The problem we have is Tagg is not alone. Yes, he revealed he’s a time bomb and sick-minded savage who bears watching, but more importantly he reminded us of our recent past. Last time a politician’s son got upset about somebody said about their daddy we got into a war. GW never did get over Saddam Hussein trying to kill his pops. Never mind the fact his dad was in the Middle East when the murder attempt took place and they were sworn enemies and we’d have probably tried to off him had he come over here like he owned the place. . . . . never mind all of that. Angry sons aren’t good for increasing the population, that’s all.
That being said we’re going to tell you how to manage your blackness on this one. I’m sure many of you would like to entrap Tagg. Get him some bogus Super Bowl tickets or get a Prince Harry like party going and reel him in. Next thing Tagg knows a bunch of the brothers are filing out of the closet to get Medieval on him. We ourselves thought about hiring an Ann coulter impersonator to invite him out to Rush Limbaugh’s to pop pills and watch Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity grapple in the mud. We were sure that would appeal to a lad like Tagg, but thought better of it. We were even going to tell him those four country club snooty guys from “Trading Places” were having a reunion and would love to have him sing with them to Muffy, Constance, Susan and the other chick. It crossed our minds, but we’re managing our blackness. We know harming tag will only cause us a year or two of satisfaction and for some reason that’s not enough.
So don’t do anything to Tagg. Even if years from now you see him in the hood copping dope, leave that poor junkie alone. Well, okay after November 6th you’re on your own, but if anything happens to him now they’ll blame it on Barack. They’ll say it’s his entire fault for not letting Mitt walk all over him. How dare the president point out the facts? He drove our little Tagg to the brink of violence. Yeah, right- let’s just make it 5 more days and then prepare for re-elected president Obama, the Manager-of-Blackness-and-Chief to finally show the real Barack. We expect him to enter his inauguration riding in on an elephant flanked by dancers from “Coming to America” and Michelle in a dress that accentuates her curvy dimensions. See, Tagg – that’s the kind of things we imagine. Manage to wrap your pea brain around that.